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What is the meaning of possessiveness? What causes possessiveness in a relationship?

Possessiveness is a toxic way of loving someone in a relationship, may it be among partners, friends or even between family members. It means owning or controlling someone. ___________________________________________________________________________________

Michael was a successful entrepreneur and he was raised by Michelle, a single mom all by herself since she lost her husband in a car accident when her son was younger. Michael had dated two girls and had taken them to meet his mom on various occasions. However, both of them rejected Michael after the meeting with his mom without giving a clear idea about the reason they decided not to be with him. He fell in love with Angela instantly when they met for their reunion. Angela used to be his college mate and they knew each other since college days. However both of them dated and decided to get married. Michael wanted to be completely transparent in the relationship and had mentioned about the incidents with both of his previous girlfriends which he found as weird. The meeting between Angela and Michelle was uneventful as all of them happily chatted over snacks and juice.

The next day Angela texted Michael that she wanted to meet him urgently. Michael went to Angela's place. "Hello Angela What happened? Why did you text me that you wanted to meet me urgently? Is everything alright?" Michael asked worriedly.

Angela had a worried look on her face. She told, "Your mother had called me after the meeting yesterday. She told that she was disappointed to meet me as she thought she would find someone more pretty for you. She was not against our marriage but told me that I will have to quit my job and listen to all her demands. She hated the idea of us staying in a different apartment." "What? I can't believe that my mother would tell something like that!" said Michael. He seem to be shocked by all of this. He said, "Let me speak to my mother and then we can discuss further. I apologize on her behalf for such a rude and inconsiderate behavior from her." 


"What's the meaning of this mom? Tell me why you would want Angela to quit her job and listen to all your 'demands'? Don't you wish to see her living happily with me?" Michael blurted out these words in front of Michelle. "Oh, that girl told you all this? That good-for-nothing pathetic excuse for a woman!!! She is unfit to be my daughter-in-law. Not just her, I told your other two girlfriends that they will have to quit their jobs, listen to me and take care of all our needs. A wife should obey her mother-in-law and husband and provide all comfort to them!" said Michelle with a plain face. 

"What nonsense are you speaking? It means you need a slave and not a daughter-in-law? You know.. slavery is banned since many decades..! I hate to accept the fact that my own mother can speak something like this to someone I love.. What's wrong with you mom? Why don't you want me to be happy with a family of my own? Why are you acting like this?" told Michael. 

"My dear boy, You are still my child. I don't want you to marry off and go away from me leaving me all alone. What would happen to me then? How will I live without you near me? You don't need to marry anyone or go anywhere... You can stay here with mommy. I can't even imagine some stranger woman coming here and snatching me away from my lovely boy forever..." A tear rolled down Michelle's eyes as she spoke these words. 

Michael realised that his mother was possessive of him as she had single-handedly taken care of him since his dad passed away. He knew that she needed medical help. He discussed all of this with Angela who was understanding and supportive of him. Michelle's condition became much better following eight months of treatment. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

The hidden meaning of possessiveness could be a fear of losing someone (a partner, children or a friend). It is the feeling that your better half or the other person would leave which could end up creating sadness, fear and even anger. Trust is essential to have a strong and healthy relationship. Jealousy and Possessiveness are two different things. Jealousy is when you get upset for another person getting attention or love rather than you when Possessiveness is undue liking for things or people that you feel are your own.


Have a great day and stay strong! :)

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